


And my defenses crumbled

by orphan_account



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Bad Puns, Cheating, Crack, Crack Fic, Forbidden Love, Other, i am so so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-22
Updated: 2013-04-22
Packaged: 2017-12-09 05:27:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/770515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Gwen-‘</p><p>‘Please,’ she said, breathless, ‘I knead you now, please.’</p><p>Bread wafered with desire as she slid her hand down his bottom and stroke him slowly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And my defenses crumbled

**Author's Note:**

> Let me begin by saying that I'm so sorry and this fic came to be after a very weird late-night chat session with some fellow Merlin fans. I'm sorry. (Btw this takes place while Gwen is still being manipulated/hexed by Morgana in season 5. Not that it matters...) This is the most explit stuff I've ever written, and it's between a woman and a loaf of bread. Dear lord. Sleep deprivation, not even once.  
> Oh, and there are some seriously bad puns in here.  
> I'm sorry.

Gwen opened her eyes with a groan but closed them immediately as the bright daylight stung her eyes. Her head pounded and she realised that she must have had a bit too much wine last night at the feast. Turning over to her side to try and get some more sleep she suddenly felt something scratching her arm, crumbs.

If Arthur has been eating in bed again I’m going to kill him, quite literally, she thought. She opened her eyes once more to scold her husband, but he was not there. Instead her eyes were met by the sight of a large loaf of bread in the bed. She frowned; surely not even Arthur would be so careless as to leave food laying around in bed? And where was he anyway? Not that she had any particular desire to wake up beside him anymore, but she liked to keep an eye on him.

Sitting up she looked around after him, but as she did she realised that she was not in fact in the royal chambers. The room was unfamiliar, but it seemed to be in the castle at least, judging from the stone walls. Confused she swung her feet over the edge of the bed and rested her head in her hands, trying to remember what had happened last night. She had been sitting on the right hand of Arthur, idly watching the entertainers. She seemed to recall that she had been drinking quite heavily, trying to soothe her nerves after her latest attempt to get rid of Merlin had gone awry. Really, the man had a most irritating way of getting in the way of things, and he spent far too much time with her husband. Not that she was jealous, oh no, but it made it infinitely harder to get to Arthur and eliminate him.

‘Milady,’ a voice suddenly interrupted her thoughts, ‘You are awake.’

She turned her head around, but no one was there.

‘Show yourself,’ she said coldly, not in the mood for games.

‘Milady?” the voice answered. It was deep and rich but the speaker was still nowhere to be seen.

Jumping up from the bed Gwen looked around the room. She was beginning to feel worried, had she been kidnapped (again)? The bodiless voice reminded her far too much of her experience in the Dark Tower, a memory she tried to keep repressed.

‘Milady, it’s me, do not worry.’

The voice seemed to come from the bed.

‘Show yourself!’ she cried again, starting to panic slightly as the dark memories continued to try and make themselves heard.

‘It is I, Bread. Do you not remember?’ The loaf wobbled slightly on the pillow.

Gwen’s eyes narrowed. The source of the voice did seem to be somewhere in the proximity of the bread on the bed. Was someone playing tricks with her? Throwing their voice? Using sorcery?

‘This is not amusing, I advise that whoever is doing this cease immediately.’

The bread moved slightly again. ‘You don’t remember… Gwen, Guinevere, please try to recall what happened last night.’ It wobbled a bit towards her.

‘I remember… the feast. How did I end up here?’ 

‘Pick me up, please.’

Gwen took a tentative step forward, fearing a trap. As she came closer to the bed the loaf wobbled again and she reached out slowly. Her fingers met a warm crust that trembled slightly under her touch. Her eyes widened. The bread was breathing.

‘I- I remember,’ she gasped as the memories of last night returned to her. She took a step back, shaking.

‘I beg you, milady, do not feel regretful. I am not sure I could take it. I have been yeasting for you from afar for far too long. The mere thought of you makes my body rise with heat and my crust turn golden. I respect your choice to leave and never meet me again if you so decide, I ask only that you do not think back to our night with regret.’

Bread’s voice sounded so heartbroken and solemn that Gwen couldn’t stop herself from reaching out again and caress his warm crust again.

‘How could I ever? It was the most glorious night of my life,’ she said softly as she knelt before him.

Bread flushed with emotion and said; ‘Dough you really mean that? What about Arthur?’

‘What about him? He is not a problem.’

‘Do you not love him?’

‘No,’ Gwen whispered as she stroke Bread’s side sensually, ‘How could I love him when all I’ve ever wanted is right in front of me right now?’ She leant in, and in a smooth movement her lips were pressed against Bread and he shuddered.

‘Gwen.’

‘Bread, I know that I have not known you for very long, but this is destiny,’ she murmured against his glutenous face as she continued to press soft kisses along him.

‘He must never know.’

‘Never. Please Bread, stop worrying. Forget about Arthur, he’s an idiot, he will never notice. He never does.’

‘Gwen-‘

‘Please,’ she said, breathless, ‘I knead you now, please.’

Bread wafered with desire as she slid her hand down his bottom and stroke him slowly. ‘Oh, Guinevere-‘ he moaned and Gwen felt that he was already starching to become as hard as crisp bread. ‘You don’t know how long I’ve kneaded this, how long I’ve wanted you, how much I loaf you.’

Gwen just smiled and gently pushed him on his back, crawling onto the bed to reach his hard underside. She dragged her hand along him, feeling his compact ripples under her fingertips and bended to mouth at them. Bread quivered under her warm breath and soft lips and arched upwards as she finally took him in her mouth.

‘Oh, god-‘ Bread cried as she gently sucked him into utter bliss. He could not do anything other than lay there and just take in the feeling of her soft, moist mouth on his body, slowly pumping up pressure inside him until he gasped; ‘Gwen, I’m go- Ah, I’m gonna crumb…’

Her only reaction was to increase the force of her suction, twisting her tongue over him in an intricate pattern that made his breath hitch and his crust flush until-

‘Gwen!’

Gwen pushed herself up from the mattress, watching him with eyes burning with (w)heat. She slowly licked her lips clean from his starch and leaned towards him again.

‘And now,’ she said as she slowly reached down to touch herself, ‘I’ve got a little situation I was hoping you could clear up for me.’ She moaned softly as she slid her hand between her legs. ‘Oh my, I am soaking wet.’

Bread grinned as she kissed his crust. ‘Don’t worry, I’m very absorbent.’

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry.


End file.
